Anxiety is Not Me

Life would be easier without anxiety but it also wouldn’t have anywhere near as much depth.

Ever feel like you’re different because you suffer from anxiety?

Ever feel like no one understands you and your actions?

Are you seeking guidance on how to coexist with the condition or maybe you have a loved one who suffers from anxiety and you would like to understand them better?

As you navigate your way through the shedding of old beliefs, old habits and the old you, I am here to aid the uncovering of your new form.

The journey will be rocky. It won’t always be pretty but it will be magic and I’m so excited for you.

Raise the questions. Awaken your spirit. Set your soul on fire with purpose. And you will walk away belonging.

Learn to love yourself wholly and bring your shadow self into light. Discover the endless positives and possibilities of living with anxiety without allowing it the power of taking the driver’s seat.

Delve deep into these pages and allow yourself to become completely open-minded and vulnerable and you will unlock a new, brighter perspective of life with anxiety. If nurtured correctly, it can create such awareness that we otherwise wouldn’t have the sense to feel. When you focus your attention, it can be a great gift.

This is my story – the journey back to myself. The raw, the real, the messy and the chaos of everyday living with anxiety, written to promote the normalisation of mental health and offer you exactly what you seek. Support, comfort, advice and above all else, a new perspective on life with anxiety.

Always remember, YOU ARE NOT ANXIETY.

Antonio Canova 1757-1822

This book covers the life of the Italian neo-classical sculptor Antonio Canova (1757-1822), some of his works and the lives of two of his contemporaries: John Gibson RA (1790-1866), known as the ‘British Canova’, and the Danish sculptor Bertel Thorvaldsen (1770-1844). Both Gibson and Thorvaldsen lived and worked in Rome under the influence and in the shadow of Canova. All three sculptors helped and guided each other. Gibson was under considerable pressure to return to London, which he resisted, while Thorvaldsen returned to his homeland on several occasions and was greeted as a celebrity. The book aims to rectify the dearth of information in English on Canova and updates the information available on Gibson and Thorvaldsen in this bicentenary year of the death of Antonio Canova.

Anger Brought The Fire

This book should resonate with so many that had a horrid childhood on one side, fun on the other, seeking escape from the nasty into the good.

The swings and roundabouts of a young child with no control over their life except their imagination.

It is easy, years later, to look back with humour on some grim times which could never be understood properly then. Only now, unfettered, can we laugh.

Angel O’Clock…

On the edge of mortality, a profound transformation occurred within Matthew Johns. They came to a realization: events they once believed simply occurred to them were, in reality, orchestrated milestones leading them toward a greater purpose. The introduction of a soulmate in their life acted as a beacon, illuminating their newfound spiritual path.

Delving into this spiritual realm, Matthew Johns cultivated a deep and intuitive bond with The Divine. Their blossoming psychic understanding opened a sacred dialogue with Spirit, unveiling profound truths. Through their exploration of Angel Numbers and numerology, they discerned that Time wasn’t merely chronological, but a divinely orchestrated symphony. In this grand tapestry, ‘coincidences’ have a role, but it’s synchronicity that wears the crown.

Join Matthew Johns on a journey of discovery, where the wisdom, love, and guidance of Angels and the spirit-realm continually shine through. By embracing this presence and seeking its signs, readers are invited into a majestic dance choreographed by the Divine – a harmonious blend of destiny, partnership, and co-creation. In this world, Spirit Guides are ever vigilant, always ready to lead the way. All one needs to do is reach out and trust in their unwavering guidance.

And Then He Showed Up

This book depicts the ugly face of the wars in Iraq and the trail of the devastating aftermath they left behind. Based on a true story, the book is a history witness of lifelong scars of a little girl, now a woman with a stolen past, gone forever, evaporated as if it never existed, so nostalgic it makes your chest hurt. A woman with unshakable faith, but despite today’s privileged peace around her in Scotland, it could not bring back the lost times and treasured memories of her birth place.

And I'm Still Waiting!

‘And I'm Still Waiting! is about all my struggles coping with a mental illness: the “highs” and “lows”, my achievements and how I have grown over the years into a capable, confident and ambitious person. I still have my bad times but the way I deal with them has changed drastically. I cover individual topics such as anger, alcohol abuse, relationships and prejudice.

‘Many songs have been referenced as they have played an important role in my continued recovery and have helped to inspire me through good and bad times. Sometimes a particular song could convey exactly how I was feeling at that time, when my own words weren't there.

‘Apart from helping with my recovery, the main reason for writing this book is to share it with others and give them hope that it is possible to lead a rewarding life even in the face of adversity.’

Steph Chaplen

An Old Contemptible and An Irish Pasha

This is a true story of the adventurous times and heroism of Lt Colonel T W Fitzpatrick, a latter-day hero of the 19th and 20th centuries. It is a mixture of Lawrence of Arabia, Sharpe and Hornblower but with much, much more! There are numerous different facets to his adventures, including his army experiences, police exploits, handling of riots, assassinations, terrorism and murder, along with his interactions with kings, popes, prime ministers and parliaments.

This biography takes the reader on a thrilling journey, packed with adventure, from rural Ireland to India, back to Ireland, to England, to France during World War I, and then onto the Middle East: Palestine, Transjordan and Egypt in World War II. He has blood-curdling adventures in Alexandria, Cairo and Eritrea. Finally it's back to Britain and ministerial shenanigans in the corridors of power.

An Irish Orphan in Africa

The fortitude of women is measured in many ways.

When Brigid is orphaned at the age of six in 1937, she is separated from her three elder brothers. She finds solace in books while living with an elderly spinster aunt and her younger brother in the country.

With her vivid imagination she dreams of travelling to faraway countries. After a strict Catholic upbringing and boarding school in a convent, she leaves Ireland at the age of 21 to follow her dreams. The British Foreign Office sends her to Libya as a radiographer for two years. It is there her love of the dark continent is ignited and three years later she arrives in Malawi to work in Lilongwe. She meets her Catholic South African husband in the first two weeks, marrying him after eight months.

Over the next 13 years, she endures constant control and abuse while trying to raise five children with no family or emotional support. The family eventually returns to Ireland in 1973, travelling by car and caravan for three and a half months through Africa, Asia and Europe. After a year of increasing control and entrapment she finally escapes with her five children, aided by her two eldest brothers. She never sees her husband again, as he departs the country leaving her penniless and a single mother of five young children.

She survived and now lives peacefully in Dublin on her own enjoying bridge and hearing from her children and 14 grandchildren.

An Apprentice's Life

My book is about my Engineering Apprenticeship which was during the years 1960-1966. My apprenticeship was in the Royal Ordnance Factory in Woolwich, the ‘home’ of the Royal Artillery, and the biggest gun being made at that time was the 120mm Tank Gun. The smallest was the 81mm Mortar. Included in my book is my life outside the factory, and some of it is set in beautiful parkland where my mates and I would get up to all sorts of pranks. There is included on my part an attractive woman down the canal.

An American Comedian Lost In Bavaria

Travelling is one of the great pleasures in life. You are completely anonymous which means you can act like an idiot, say stupid things, wear a big ugly T-shirt, then go home and brag about how savvy you are. But when you live in a foreign country, you’re an idiot 24 hours a day. The language is the first hurdle, good luck with that. The few things you get right celebrate them, post them on FB for your friends to see. So they think you’re doing well in your new life living abroad. After a few years, your friends will say things like “I could never live in a foreign country” and you will become defensive. “Good, then don’t move here.” But don’t give up on acclimating, over time things will get better. You will start to learn new words in another language, then use them inappropriately which will make people laugh. You’ll make new friends who you can’t talk to because a simple sentence takes forever, and no one has an hour to listen to you. People will start to wave to avoid talking to you. If you’re lucky some will speak your language and you’ll stick to them like glue. You’ll know you’re beginning to fit in when you stop asking for ketchup. But no matter what you do or how long you stay, you’ll always be a fish out of water.

All Show Off

OK, if I’m completely honest, since I’ve been quite ill just before my half-century, at the end of 2016, I realised that I hadn’t ever got around to passing on the stories of my childhood to my children; that cluster of experiences and characters from my past that have “helped” me become the person that their father is today.   

Memories of a childhood in late 60s and 70s Llanelli is considered within, though they’ll possibly be of no consequence to others, I hope that my girls find them of interest. This entanglement of belonging and of being are what has made me who I am and how I am. 

I’ve never written a book before, though I’ve created one many times and at many stages of my life in my head. English is not even my mother tongue. Welsh has and always will be more comfortable for me, though I’ll try to make Dr Martin Rhys, my English teacher, who I both revered and feared at Ysgol y Strade, proud.

The childhood memories noted here are true from my perspective. Any factual mistakes are there because that’s how I remember them happening. None of the content is aimed at upsetting anyone, but I’m sure it will. “Que sera, sera,” as Myngu Norman used to say. 

I’ve kept some personal stuff out, which if included, would create a fuss and shadow all my recollections. I’ve lived with them long enough as it is, though they may surface unintentionally in my writing. 

Enjoy the reading, and enjoy the memories – I’ve enjoyed organising them into some sort of order, so that my children may understand why I am as I am, and for people that know me to have the option of crossing the road when they see me heading towards them!

Lastly, after you’ve read the book, consider this quote from Somerset Maugham (1874-1965) in his memoirs The Summing Up in 1938:  “There is an impression abroad that everyone has it in him to write one book; but if by this is implied a good book then the impression is false”.

All Because of Daisy

Terence Roberts came to live in Ireland as a middle-aged working man in search of something. He took a gamble when he could have easily stayed comfortable and resigned to the only life he knew. On reflection, he didn’t really know himself as he approached his 50^th birthday and he couldn’t see a purposeful future. Everything had been lost amidst the pace and chaos of urban living and life’s natural disappointments. But in rural Ireland, he found himself in a totally different world, finding what was important in his own life whilst rediscovering innocence and hope. Through unique characters, both human and in the field, he was entertained, educated and inspired.

All Because of Daisy was written initially for his family and close friends to help explain why he left them to come to live in Ireland and why he stayed. Thanks to his new environment and eye-opening experiences, he begins to make sense of his own life, his past, present and future. He also concludes that while modern-day life is far from simple and is emotionally expensive in many ways, it can also be beautiful and priceless when seen through fresh eyes… but to do that, sometimes you have to take a gamble.